Kids! Wanna Play Opposite Day? Here’s What Mine Would Look Like…

"Daddy! No means yes, yes means no! It's opposite day!"
I indulge them for a while around the dinner table. After about 15 minutes, I'm done.

"Okay," I say. "That's enough. Eat your dinner, please."
"Oh? Eat our dinner? I guess that means don't eat our dinner . Right?"
"Come on, " I prod. "If you don't finish up, there'll be no time for story tonight."
"What? If we don't finish up, there will definitley be story?! Okay! We won't finish up!"
Snort, laugh, cackle, point at daddy who clearly needs to develop his sense of humour.

It's not that I'm not getting the joke. I have just drifted off into my own fantasy world. What would a true opposite day look like for Daddy?…

7 am…No, wait, let' make it 9:08 am: Daddy opens one eye and let's it drift towards the clock radio. It's 9:08. Who cares. it's Saturday.
One hand fumbles for the 'on' button. The host is wrapping up an interview with a chef talking listeners through the final touches of a braised rib recipe. Hm. Ribs. I should cook myself some ribs tonight, Daddy thinks to himself. That thought is followed up with an idea of lying in bed until just after the 9:30 news, and then getting out of bed.

9:52 am: "Wow. I guess I slept through the news."

10:20 am: The coffee steeps in the French press,the bagle works on its toaster tan, and Daddy