Men Need a Purse for all these Darn Rewards Cards!

Christmas shopping has ramped up to light speed. Consumers are trying to keep up with deals, while stores are trying to keep up with consumers. Nearly every business on earth has been turned onto the phenomenon of building loyalty through the issuing of points cards.
These programs have been growing exponentially in number since the first paper stamp cards were issued by your local (and locally owned!) video store: rent 10 movies, get your 11th one free!

I've lost count of how many I've been issued. In my wallet, at this moment, I have: Air Miles Rewards, Petro Points Rewards, Chapter-Indigo Rewards, my driver's licence, Medicare card, medical insurance card, three hospital cards, two credit cards, business cards, social insurance card, train pass, long distance calling card, Tim Horton's card, a rewards card from my local pet food store (for Casper the Guinea Pig, and The Fish with No Name), a Home Depot card, a Pennzoil Roadside Assistance card – issued by my local garage as a reward, a pharmacy rewards card, an identity card should my son ever be lost, a couple of receipts…and no cash. As for my debit card, I keep that in my pocket, as I rarely walk around with my whole wallet; I can't stand the 'wallet in the back pocket of the jeans look; aside from being very 1987, it ruins my jeans pocket, and, I've heard, it's bad for your back.
Since I rarely have my wallet on my person due to its cumbersome nature, I often find myself face to face with a cashier asking for my rewards card, which I am without.
"Do you have a ____card?"
"No."
"Would you like one?"
"I have one already, just not on me."
"Well, that's not very helpful."
F%$* you.
"I know." I answer instead.

My local grocery store offered a thumb-sized card which slid onto your key chain. Perfect! I have my keys on me all the time; I almost always drive to the grocery store, therefore I will always be rewarded for frequenting this particular store. Unfortunately, my keys are a high-traffic item; the card's constant rubbing again my keys has faded its barcode to the point where it can no longer be read. I was told to call a 1-800 number - which was given to me on yet another card – and order a new key tag barcode. To protect the next barcode, they suggested I cover it with Scotch Tape.
Where is my Scotch Tape Rewards card?…here's one for 3M…did I file them alphabetically, or by product?….

I have a feeling fifty years from now we will be trading these things as collectables; (I have an original 1984 KMART, signed by the company's president, I'll trade for your 1979 Columbia House) since all our rewards will be implanted in our necks in the form of a chip which we will learn only ten years later is carcinogenic.

As a kid, I remember my Dad carrying a leather bag, about the size of an iPad, it contained everything he needed; all which was in his pockets was loose change. I thought the bag was kind of a weird affectation, until in high school my friend Mike had one; I then thought it was pretty cool, and purchased one myself. Mike could never leave the house without it: "Where's my black bag!?" he would constantly be yelling. I don't know what happened to my Murse; they have since – along with the fanny pack – become unfashionable.
Either way, I now require something more. Not Louis Vuitton or Hermes (not necessarily, anyway), but something practical: over the shoulder, with a larger compartment for my big stuff, smaller compartments for my small stuff, an easy access pocket for my keys, and a shallow flap for my wallet. In that Murse I would carry my keys, some hand sanitizer (perhaps some moisturizer?), a cheque book I would never need, some gum, my phone, my access pass for work, a thumb drive with my writing on it, and two wallets: one for my important cards – drivers license, credit card, Medicare, etc. – the other would be larger, and in it I would organize with pride all the reward cards retailers could muster.