I'm not much of a party animal.
For whatever reason, an evening with good company, a BluRay, and a bag of chips tops my list of time well spent. A co-ed outdoor barbecue during our short summer is also up there. I enjoy the diverse conversation among men and women, the casual socialization of roaming a backyard, minding the grill, and having a couple of cold beers.
Whether at work or in my personal life, I've always resisted invitations to a 'Guy's night out'. I'm not a big drinker, I don't particularly enjoy sitting in a bar where the cacophony precludes the possibility of actually talking to the friends I'm out with. Similar to this guy cited in the March 5th edition of Dear Abby (I've mentioned before how I love advice columns):
Dear Abby: I’m one of four guys who go on a men’s golf trip every year. There’s no infidelity — just three days of golf and fine dining.
I no longer want to go because I’m tired of being the big brother, the referee and the designated driver while the others get drunk and obnoxious and are oblivious to others around us. I am also a physician who treats them and their families in my medical practice. How do I get out of this mess?
The Odd Man Out
I absolutely relate to this Odd Man.
I cannot speak to 'Girls' nights out' since I lack the anatomical requirements for an invitation. But for men, being in groups tends to necessitate proving we are fewer evolutionary steps removed from our simian cousins than we are when with our families. I would be more likely to participate if I knew certain rules of etiquette were established ahead of time:
- I like golfing, but I'm really lousy. I'm here on the course because socializing while walking through pastures for four hours is a pleasant way to spend time with friends. Can we do this without you swearing when you miss a shot and becoming miserably disappointed after the third hole?
- I like sports bars. I like the cold beer, the chicken wings, and the casual conversation accompanied by long moments of saying nothing while staring at the game on the screen over our heads. Can you limit yourselves to a couple of drinks and promise not to treat the waitress like a house-slave to impress the rest of the table?
- It's not only that I love my family, I also like them. I understand that some complaining about the challenges of a lifelong relationship is normal. But, I'd rather it not go on all night; that's what counsellors are for.
Here was part Dear Abby's response to Odd Man:
Dear Odd Man Out: An effective way to manage it would be to tell them that the dates they have selected for the golf trip “don’t work” for you. You don’t have to be specific about why — it could be a family obligation or something related to your practice that makes you unavailable.
That's basically what I do. I hem and haw, and tell them I'll look at my calendar and get back to them. Then I hope they forget about me. Admittedly (and, after re-reading this, not surprisingly) I am not regularly overburdened by invitations nor my my social calendar. A have a couple of close guy friends, and they know me well. Occasionally, they call me out on my school marm act, and drag me out of the house. When they do, I am grateful. Mostly though, we organize get-togethers at each others' houses, with our families, and enjoy ourselves just as much.
There used to be words for this in high school: geek, spaz, nerd, etc.
Now, as adults, they have changed to: homebody, reserved, prude? stick in the mud?
What I do know is whether it's among my two friends in my living room, or among six couples and their kids in my backyard, I'm still one of the guys.
KennyBodanis.com 
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