I’ll Bet Rodrigo Borgia Didn’t Halve his Kids’ Grapes

Those who read more historical novels than I, know him as Pope Alexander VI. 
Those who culturally identify  more closely with Cable on Demand than the Library of Congress (ergo: me), think of him as Jeremy Irons.
Either way, like me, he was a father.

While I – year after year –  navigate the learning curves of parenthood, the compromises of a successful marriage, the hours of full-time employment, and the complexities mowing the lawn without killing surrounding vegitation; Rodrigo Borgia fathered six kids, graduated from a pretty decent university (as Bologna as it may be), and spent 11 years as Pope.
I haven't even spent 11 years as 'Daddy', and I'm pooped. 

Parenting was probably different in the 15th century.
He probably didn't spend his free time blogging – there's a couple of hours right there.
No tweeting – another three minutes gained. 
Also, according to research I've done about 15th Century Parenting (see: watching Showtime's "The Tudors" and "The Borgias", and HBO's timeless "The Game of Thrones"), things were soooo much simpler back then.
Firstly, there was almost no discipline. There was nothing wrong with letting your kids hang from trees, ride  bulls, play with swords, sleep outside, and hunt pigs.
Playtime was easier, too.They used real swords with sharp edges. Sure, this has certain disadvantages: decapitation, severe laceration, and blood loss among them. But, they were completely battery free!! Answer this question honestly: Which would you rather; a decapitated child, or one with a battery-powered fire truck with a switch he just…won't…stop…flipping! 

Also, the kids played with…each other! Imagine…Borgia never had to deal with this:

 

When the Borgias wanted to go on vacation? They didn't check the budget, the wall calendar, the school schedule, and airline specials. They simply conquered somewhere warm and occupied it. Talk about "All-Inclusive."

Finally, returning to safety – which, other than nutrition, is a parent's biggest concern – when the kids were out of sight, they were truly out of mind.
Imagine: this Borgia guy had prison towers all over his Popedome…and no baby gates! How did he manage? Six kids, stairs all over the place, and no gates…no wonder they said he was crazy.
Most importantly, the one factor which contributed most to his ability to manage fatherhood and a papacy: he never wasted his time slicing grapes. 
He never pulled his dagger out of its sheath for the purpose of painstakingly lining it up with the equator of the smallest fruit on the planet, and incising it to reduce its volume further by half.

Yes, I know all about choking hazards…I'm just saying…different era, different concerns.
Then again, when you're the Pope, I suppose you rely on another – more godly – level of protection. 
Crap. Pass the paring knife.